Pretty early on, after I had had G. I read the book
Confessions of a Slacker Mom. I have pretty much done the things that she has done. Her name is Muffy Mead-Ferro, she lives in Salt Lake with her family. I don't think she is part of the church, I am pretty sure in fact. Anyway. She has raised her children to understand they are not the center of her world, which later would translate, "You are not the center of the world and the world does not revolve around you."
I think that this is such an important lesson to teach kids. I love my son and would do anything for him. But if I focus all my attention on him and let him know that he is the center of the universe, he will always think it.
Ayelet Waldman said it better then I ever could.
I have also seen this sentiment in other women that I have been around. I went to La Leche League again to see if they could help me with my son not eating. They said that he was fine and I am now starting to work on just eating healthy food and having good snacks available.
This other woman came also. She was on her second marriage, they both had children from previous marriages and a little girl that is the same age as my little boy and she was still breast feeding her. This little girl still slept in her parents bed. The womans husband was starting bugged by it. All the La Leche League woman totally took her side, and gave her advise on how to make her husband see that this was for the good of everyone. I knew that my opinion would be totally out of place and did not share it.
As I have said before, I breastfeed my son for one year, 12 grueling months. I don't know if I will ever breast feed another child again. It was so hard for me. But, my problems with it was the pain that it caused me at the beginning and the way that it made my hormones out of control. These were physical problems that harmed only me. However, if the breastfeeding had been affecting (or effecting, I don't know which to use) my marriage, I would have quite immediately. I would have done this because although breastfeeding does help a child with their immunities and brain development, breastfeeding cannot help a marriage that is about to fall apart. And really which is more important to a child? Health or being in a stable family where she knows that her parents love each other, and that they also love her. The question then is are you thinking more of the family or of you and your child. I think that this woman was being selfish and if the husband wants the child out of the bed, then get the child out of the bed. Besides, no one likes and audience. This woman is teaching her child that she is more important than her husband, and she is sending the exact same message to the husband. But I doubt that he will stick it out if this pattern continues. Husbands should be first children should not be able to drive a wedge between a husband and wife. If they are able to do that then the marriage will fail.
There is another woman that I know who is completely in charge of her children. Her husband cannot do anything for them. I don't know why. I have been places with her and we have been like half an hour from home. Her husband will call her to tell her that the baby is crying and she will pack up and leave as quickly as she can. So the baby is crying? So what? What can she do for this child that the husband cannot? I think that this is a total lack of parenting skills and I think that it drives the husband out of the picture. This womans children's lives are the focus of their family and the mom and kids are all one happy family as the dad is sidelined and watches. I don't know why they are this way? But it frustrates me to see a father who does not participate.
What I believe is so important is to make sure that the parents relationship is the one that is in the center of their family. When parents are not the center, then the kids are in constant worry that things are going to fall apart and that they are going to be the reason for it.
When children are brought up to think that their parents world revolves around them then they in turn grow up thinking that the entire world revolves around them and they expect it of everyone and everything. When children are given everything and never have to work for anything they will always expect this kind of treatment. When these children turn into adults they will be ill-equipped at taking care of themselves and functioning, working, thinking and contributing to society, they will be a burden to those that allow themselves to be taken advantage of.
When children are allowed to work to get the things they want and need they are taught about work and the value of it. They grow up knowing what they need to do to get where they want to be. When parents don't always take care of childrens problems the children learn how to deal with problems. These parents teach their children that struggling is not a bad thing and hard work will eventually pay off.
I have seen this with G. He ran down the driveway one day and fell and hit his head. I, of course, ran and fetched him and hugged him until he felt better. But the next time he started running down the drive way, I did not stop him. He knew the consequences of his actions, but maybe this time he had learned to stop running rather then falling. I watched and hoped he would not hurt himself, and he didn't. If I had not let him run, how would he or I have ever known that he could do it?
I don't want my kids to try everything. There are some things that are just wrong that you don't need to try to know they are bad. But sometimes the parents, who are one loving unit, have to watch as their children struggle, stumble, and fall. But letting them know that they are there for them, and that we love them. Not that we are their strength, but that we know that they have the strength in them. We know they are capable. We know things are hard, but within them is the power and knowledge to do the things that are best for them.
Labels: One Day, Squishy
