.::still blinking::.

He is so cute. He was getting over the baby acne he had for a long time. He was probably 3 months here.

Have I ever mentioned my love for photography? In college I took photo 1010. I was in the processing lab for hours. In the pitch black dark rooms, processing film. In the developing room getting the perfect shades of dark and light. Out taking pictures of everything. With different exposures and with different methods. I love black and white photography. jj and I are considering putting a photo developing lab in the basement, we are measuring the usefulness of it against a basement bathroom. Maybe it could be a shower/developing lab. That could be cool. I will post some of that photography later. It looks like student work, but I really like it. I like the process of making something completely by myself.

That is why I changed from all of my other majors in college to art. I love creating and I do a lot better at that then at tests and memorizing facts. I can stay up all night working on a project. Staying up to memorize accounting wasn't worth it to me, I flunked it once. I just decided not to take the final. Staying up all night to perfect a book cover was completely worth it. I love what I do. However, I stay up all night these days to clean up throw up and love a little one. Still very worth it.

We started feeding him rice cereal around 4 months, but only rarely. We did not buy a high chair for a long time. We fed him in his swing.

The other day I found a roll of film and took it in to get processed. I did not know what it would be of as I could not remember ever seeing it before. It is from right after we moved into this house before we had the digital camera, which I love. But not in the same way. Digital is instant and you don't have to worry about mistakes. There is something comforting about film. The pictures are of Gentry as a baby and of Tazia, my sister, going to some dance in her Titanic replica dress. She is cute.

These pictures are nothing I am terribly proud of. They were just a pleasant surprise to find.

I am mesmerized by the baby in the top picture.

Labels: One Day

The view from my bedroom window this morning.



We played with play dough. He made a spider.

I made a snake.

Considering what needs to be build next and if mom is getting in the way.

Elephant.

Labels: One Day, Squishy

I don't think that I could possibly let you know how completely frustrated I am with that child. The shapoopie. After the 407th time out today, I am about to loose it. He does not care.

For a snack after his nap today, I got a yoplait cup of yogurt. "Put it in a yeddow cup." I did. "Not a big spoon, an orange spoon." Yes your majesty. "Sit down." Of course, where else in the world would I be but sitting across from you watching you smear yogurt all over yourself. I get the first bite ready to enter his wailing and gnashing little mouth. "I'm done." He did not want yogurt at all. But he especially did not want it sitting next to him if I had not performed several acts of servitude first.

So I get him down, we had two more time outs, and I ask him if he wants to help me vacuum. He does, and he goes to get his vacuum. I almost finish vacuuming the stairs when I have had enough of his crying and whaling over the vacuum. I have to leave. I have barricaded myself in the office and I don't know if I am ever going to come out. I may just go out the window, jump off the patio and run away.

I was talking to a friend yesterday and it sounds to me like it just gets worse as your kids age. I will forever be Cinderella. And people keep asking me when I am going to have another. The truth is I don't know if I am ready for the one that I have. It is a challenge everyday.

Also, I don't like babies that much. If you can believe it, I like the age the Gentry is at right now so much more than when he was a baby. Babies don't do anything. The reason I have not held your baby is because I have absolutely no desire to. He is cute and I am very glad that you like him. You are darling with him. If I held him and talked to him I would say things like, "Sit up straight!" "Stop drooling!" "Be reasonable!" I just don't see how a three month old can be any fun. I have held my niece Lilly maybe 4-5 times. Not much. She is not one yet. When she comes to the age to be chased and played with I am sure that I will be doing it all day. I like that so much more.

Isn't raising a child, like babysitting gone terribly wrong? When are his parents going to come pick him up? I need a break.

Labels: One Day, Squishy

I make judgments almost immediately about people, situations, almost anything. It is like I am trying to make sense of everything going on around me at all times.

Remember this post? I wonder what is up with the little girls I was babysitting at the end of it. It was only one of the little girls and it turns out the little girl has diabetes but no one knew it at the time. I feel like such and jerk. While she was at my house she laid unmoving on my bed for probably three hours. She was drinking and going potty constantly. I could tell there was something wrong, but I did not know what it was. When her mom came to get her I told her she had been really lethargic and wanted drinks all the time. I just found out about this. The little girl is four. I am sad, sick and sorry about it.

Labels: One Day

There are explicatives included in this blog entry.

Dear mothers who attend Daybreak playgroup,

No, let me start again.

Dear Mother of Mattie-

Your son is the devil. I guess you think that I am going to fall for the same disillusionment that you are under if you call him some cute derivative of his actual name. If that were the case you would be calling him shitty or son of a harlot-ie. I am not falling for it. Your complete lack of ability to watch your son is astonishing. I have watched him climb atop the ballerina bars and jump off. He is four. I guess you figure when he falls and breaks his arm you can sue the community center for letting you in and for carelessly assuming you are a responsible adult.

However, next time your son walks over and even pretends to hit my son I am going to come unglued. My son, although a little high strung, is nothing compared to the raving hyena your son is. I am tired of him taking my sons toys away, coming over to hit a ball out of his hands and just plain acting rabid. I think next week I am going to sit by you and let you know that I am going to be disciplining your son each and every time he comes near mine.

Wanna see a mama bear in action? Just try me. I am not that nice and I am not loyal to those who do not raise their children. Why even have them if you were not going to be paying any attention to them at all? Did you know that the play group is not about mass ignorance of your kids? It is about watching your kids and their interactions with others. It is about sharing and learning to play and not hitting and being nice. But why am I telling you this? You are about as useful as a squashed bug.

Unglued. I am coming unglued. I will be glad when the sun comes out and I can watch kids beat my boy at the splash pool. I will be just as nice and understanding there. And if your child drowns because you cannot take the time to watch him, that is your deal, not mine.

Love,
Makayla

{Update: Turns out jj served his mission for the LDS Church with this exact same girl. She was a space cadet then as well.}

Labels: One Day, Squishy

Annie had such a touching post today.

Wanna hear my thoughts today. This is why I am not asked to babysit much, I would not ask myself to babysit either.

We went to the post office today. I sell stuff on ebay. I have gotten rid of a few nick nacks and lots of scrap booking crap. I mean crap when I say it. I HATE scrap booking, but it seems to be the Utah National Past time, that and crystal meth. About a year ago I was roped into signing up for a year membership with a local stamping company. It was kind of fun, in the remotest kind of way, and extremely expensive. I have not made up when I spent on the scrapbook crap. But I am nearly rid of it. If I want to make a card, from now on I will be making them on the computer, which I far prefer. I make cute cards.

Gentry and I went to the post office today to send my unwanted stuff to all regions of our country tis of thee. As soon as we walked in the door Gentry walked off and stood by the packaging while I stood in the line to talk to the postal workers. He stood just behind a kiosk and watched me and would not come when I called. I finally went over there and grabbed him and I seriously had to restrain myself from pinching him with my crab pincers. It really crossed my mind. Stop it, I told myself and the thought left my mind. And then returned in the thought of how 'bout a pinch in the bottom, just to show him who is boss. That is me the boss with the white hot pincers. I mean it when I say get over here.

As we were standing in line he turned into the child made of jello. I now had a little jello turd sliding down the side of me. To say I was embarrassed is an understatement. I would pull him back up the side of me and scold him to which his reply would be, "Oh yeah! I am the jello turd and I mean business. See, I am down to your knee again and if you would just let go of my shirt I would be half way across the room. As it is I am wasting a lot of energy running dangling from your arm in mid-air like an excited puppy."

When we finally made our way to the front desk, the lady offered him a sucker. That was really nice of her. However, couldn't she see the remains of goldfish and juice on me and him. I mean honestly, how much more hopped up are we trying to get the kid. Just one more sucker wouldn't hurt right? Maybe not him, but I am sure after about 27 licks he would have chucked it right into the back of my head and it would have been entangled in my hair. If I was now restraining my white hot angry pincers, I don't know if I could have handled it any longer. I am sure my happy disposition would have been gone for the day as well as the appendages of my child.

Labels: One Day, Squishy

Every day I try to do two activities with Gentry. Don't be impressed. I said try, most of the time they are not this impressive. We usually pull out the board games and play with the pieces or I print out pictures off the web of Curious George and we color them.



This day we painted, it is washable paint. His favorite colors are orange and yellow. He gets to use the bottle of paint and I use the lid. When the paint from the lid is gone I don't get anymore. He is not great at sharing yet. We are working on it.

What he is great at is hiding things. IN HIS NOSE! Guess what I found there today. A piece of popcorn. I knew it was this because I smelled it. I had to, it was orange and I could not figure out what it was. It must have been a fresh piece or that lovely buttery smell would have been gone. It was also covered in nose slime. Any dry heaving?



Later I cut pictures from a magazine and he tapped them to the wall in my bed room. A couple of weeks later the activity was to pull all the pictures off of the wall. He liked both activities. Also, in the morning when he would wake up he would come into my room and talk about what all these pictures were. Those are Fruity Pebbles Flintstones on the bottom.

Labels: One Day, Squishy

jj would totally say something like that.

This image comes from The Argyle Academy.

Labels: One Day

The other day, I made dinner for a friend who had a baby recently. I made soup and tried to make bread sticks, but forgot to put the yeast in. Duh. So then at the last minute I made biscuits, but they had to much liquid in them and had the glossiness of billiard balls. Obviously they were unacceptable. So they I ran down to Harmon's "The Grocer in your neighborhood!" and bought some of their artisan bread and some pears. I felt like such an idiot taking dinner over that I had not completely made myself. Why do I have such high expectations for myself? I don't know.

I left them with the pears, bread and soup. I bought a couple of pears for my family as well and when I cut them open the next day they were completely brown inside. Now I was a complete ass hat. So I called and left a message, begging her to let me try making dinner again. I really could do a better job and wanted to redeem myself. She did not call me back. For apparent reasons she no longer wanted to be my friend. This is really the way that my mind works.

I saw her at church today and she said that her husband loved the soup, wants the recipe and that their pears were fine. I feel better, but I seriously stressed about this since Thursday when I took dinner over. And I still want to try again.

Here is the recipe for the soup. It is so good. We keep a lot of the ingredients hanging around so it is pretty easy for us to throw together.

White Bean Chili
will give you gas.

3-4 chicken breasts, cubed
1 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1 tablespoon oil
1 medium onion, chopped
2 cans Great Northern beans, rinsed and drained
1-2 small cans green chilies
1 teaspoon cumin
1 teaspoon oregano
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper
1 (14 oz.) can chicken broth
1 cup sour cream
1/2 cup whipping cream

Combine chicken, garlic, oil, and onion in skillet and heat until chicken is cooked. Add beans, chilies, spices and cihcken broth; bring to a boil. Simmer 30 minutes. Add sour cream and whipping cream and heat through.

Labels: Intake, One Day

Digging chewed-up, soggy Cheetos out of nooks and crannies your son has spit them into.

Labels: One Day, Squishy

jj and I celebrate our VD in a small way. I got him a couple small presents, including pistachios because he loves them and we never have enough in the house it seems. He got me a subscription to Real Simple Magazine, a gift that keeps on giving. Unfortunately for him I do the finances and saw that he had ordered it about a week ago. But I am so excited to read it. It is sitting on my bed stand waiting for me. I don't know what I am waiting for, but once I go through it I will have to find something new to entertain me. I am not ready to give up that feeling of going through a magazine for the first time.

Also, in celebration of the holiday we are going to the temple tonight. Isn't that romantic? Normally I would not go, but it is Stake Temple night and someone put my name on the list. I am pretty sure that it was not me because I have not been to the temple since my sister Kateka got married in Augustish. To say the least, it is not one of my favorite activities. To help along the romantic feelings jj and I are going at separate times. I will go when he gets home from work, he will go when I get home. I am sure by the time he gets home I will be in bed watching American Idol, that is an activity I far prefer.

Also, jj got up early this morning and after his workout he jetted over to Harmon's to buy me some flowers. I do like fresh flowers, and jj.

Labels: One Day

As I write this, the boy sits across the table eating the last bits of popcorn from a bowl and sucking the life from unsuspecting oranges, and I cannot have any. I already asked.

He is so fun lately and says funny things all the time. We will not let him have bandaids, or as he calls them bangers, unless he is bleeding. The other day we were in the car and I guess he had bonked his head somehow and was begging for a banger. I told him that he was not bleeding and so he did not need one. After about a minute he informed me, "Mom, my head bleeding really bad! I NEED a banger."

He is now drowning tortilla chips in his glass of water and then slurping up the remains. And yes, I just sit and watch. I don't really care how he eats as long has he is eating.

The weird thing about him eating is that he is so picky, but he loves steak. Half cooked bloody steak, he will have the blood dripping down his chin like Eric the Red and I don't say a word; I am far to chicken to draw his attention to the fact that was he is eating. Something we usually have to bribe him to do unless this eating activity involves chocolate. I am so amazed that he would even let steak sit on his plate. Usually if he does not like the food he will throw it on the floor or at me because I am the offending party, obviously. I am amazed at his ingesting half cooked steak when he acts like noodles are going to cause his death and I must be the devil for trying to get him to eat such toxic worms.

Labels: One Day, Squishy

I finished a book this morning, She's Come Undoneby Wally Lamb. It is for the book club I am in.

I don't know if I would recommend this title, but I am seriously thinking about sending it to my dad. Not because it only relates to him, it related to me also. I think that any person could find that we all do the same things in our lives. We repress ourselves and if we get caught up in the pain of our childhood then we stay fourteen years old for the rest of our lives. The book was about moving forward, and becoming the person you are meant to be. It was about figuring out that you deserve to be loved, but you have to be completely honest with the people that love you. That is what love is anyway, being loved in spite of who you are.

I feel like in order to be loved you have to love yourself first. No one else is going to do the job that you are supposed to be doing and no one else can do it better than you. However, there is the point where you take it to far. That is not what I am talking about. You need to know the value of you. You need to know who you are and what you stand for. You need to know what your limits are and what you will and won't put up with. You need to know that you are worth standing up for. You need to love yourself enough to be honest with yourself. No one else can fix you, it is completely up to you.

And then when you love yourself, other will love you too. I struggle with letting others love me. I keep myself guarded. People are not going to love you the way you think they should. Just because they are not doing it your way, does not mean they are doing it wrong.

"Accept what people offer. Drink their milkshakes. Take their love."

I am learning.

On being crazy, she says, "It was a matter of perspective, I began to see. The whole world was crazy; I'd flattered myself by assuming I was a semifinalist."

Aren't we all kind of nutty? Some of us are just better at keeping a secret than others.

I guess we are all stunted children. We are all emotionally constipated. But when we finally let love in, we start to see what we are capable of, what we can do for others and what they are willing to do for us.

I think it has a lot to do with honesty and love. We all deserve love from people who are willing to give it without a price tag attached.

I liked this book, but it would easily be rated "R." There is tons of bad language and a sex scene that made me feel dirty for a day. There is actually a lot of sex. It was pretty much like prime time tv, with more bad language. It is also 465 pages, but it only took me 4ish days to read, and I do other things a lot of the time.

Labels: Books, One Day

I have been sick all week. Gentry seems to be better and I cannot seem to get over the sore throat and the other optional side syndromes that I peddle trough daily.

Because of this I have not seen the new baby, and I probably won't for a while. I am not that mother, the one who drops her sick kids off at your house and peels out of the drive way mumbling, "See ya suckas! My day is ruled by the almighty dollar and not the health and well being of you or my children." I am not opposed to women working who have children. That is your business. However, if I am recovering from your business for the next week to week and half, I might turn on you. Like the white tiger on Roy. I will be all over you like a spider monkey.

Because I am a whore for time to myself, I sent jj and Gentry to the museum. I am now deciding what to do with the day; take some medicine and clean or lay in the bed like a sloth and let moss grow on my unmoving body, eventually blending in with the bed. Both options having their upsides. The cleaning being that I am always loosing hair, if I was a chia pet you would find little spouts of plants all over the house including on top of the fridge, wrapped between your toes, and in balls that resemble spiders in your socks. I need to start vacuuming more and getting rid of the massive amounts of hair that have almost formed a net over the doors making it impossible to get out of the house. Becoming one with the sloth, I think it is obvious why I would want to do that.

I do vacuum, every Saturday. How this hair has taken over I do not know. But it is gross in a way beyond gross kind of way.

Labels: One Day